All too often I read blogs about relationships & marriages that tell about all the good things. Although I'm very appreciative of the encouragement those blogs have to offer, I feel it's very one sided. I've been married for a little over two years (still a newlywed in my perspective) and I have learned that it is not all good all the time...and that's quite alright!
Here are a few areas where it has not always been good:
1) Communication
Before we were married we were in a long-distance relationship for seven years. I believed with all my heart that our communication skills were on lock because that's all we had for seven years. Boy was I wrong. In marriage you gain so much more than just communication - you gain each other's hurts, joys, and families. You take on everything that makes up who your partner is. A good marriage must survive on more than just good communication. In the past two years we have miscommunicated everything. Our words would mismatch our feelings thus ending up in very heated arguments over things said that we did not mean. Most of all our words would mismatch our actions thus leaving each other feeling uncertain of trust. Your word is your bond. If you cannot keep your word, do not say a word. That is what has kept the peace in our communication - the matching of our words with our actions & the matching of our words with wisdom.
2) Money
It is the root of all evil. No, correction. The LOVE of money is the root of all evil. I used to think that a joined account meant more money. However, I have learned the hard way that more money equals more problems. Just like Diddy said. We have argued the most about our finances - the influx or the lack of - it is never ending. It is not that we are financially irresponsible. No. It is more that we did not sit down and discuss before marriage what our financial disciplines would be. We didn't set any boundaries or rules to guide us on financial principle. The most we discussed was the priority of our money - 1)Tithes 2)bills 3) loans/debts & 4) necessities. At the end of the day money will come and money will go. Make sure you have enough to keep you out of debt but have enough to keep you in a home. Lastly, enjoy the fruits of your labor!! It is okay to spend your hard-earned money on things you deserve and delight in as long as it has been discussed with your partner FIRST.
3) Expectations
Before I was married I had such a high expectation of all the things my husband should do in excellence such as clean the bathroom, take out the trash, fix a car, throw down a good meal on the grill, chop down a tree, slice a coconut with his bare hands, blow air into a bicycle tire with his own breath, the list is endless and....well....unrealistic. The worst part about these expectations was that I expected my husband to be a 4.0 student in every single one of these areas without me having to say a word. My expectations of what my husband should or should not do really got me into trouble these past 2 years of marriage. The poor guy may now think I'm bipolar because one day I'm asking for the entire world from him, the next I don't need a thing cause I can get it all on my own. Truth is, while I had my share of expectations of him, he had the same for me....a list of unrealistic expectations. We have had world war 3, 4, 5, and 6 all due to failure to meet each other's expectations. If you are currently doing this, stop. Stop and thank God for all the qualities your partner already has. Stop bickering and honor your Partner for all he/she already does for you in which you didn't even have to ask or lift a finger. DO ask your partner what their expectations are of you. See how you can best meet their needs in every area & then apply yourself. It's as simple as that. Definitely not rocket science. After all, your partner loves & adores every inch of who you are. The most they expect from you is your love - love him/her for who he/she already is without condition and without expectation.
That's all I got for now. Marriage is a beautiful thing, but it can get ugly! It's okay though because marriage is also all about GROWTH. You cannot become ONE over night. You have to grow into becoming one and with every stage of growth comes its share of growing pains. GET YOUR GROW ON! Growth means life! Growth means success! The lack of will let you know the very areas that need more water or sunlight.
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